Duality of Nostalgia; Returning to India
By: Anaiya Patel
“My experiences build the layers of who I am. It makes me more dimensional.” Sheetal Chhaya
_____________________________________________________________________________________
For me, nostalgia often resembles the duality of a mango’s taste—both the sweetness of the orange flesh and the sour sting of an unripe bite. In the sweetness, we find laughter, warmth, and memories of light and love that linger long after the moment has passed. But then there's the ache, a longing for a feeling we’re never quite sure we can reclaim.
Much of nostalgia is deeply rooted in childhood, in the pieces of our lives that shape who we are today. I sat down with my mom, Sheetal, to talk about her recent trip to India. As a child, she returned almost every year, but her visit last December was her first in nearly 25 years. We spoke about the blend of emotions tied to her return and how her memories have been steeped in the nostalgia of her childhood years.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Key memories from childhood India trips?
“The nervous anticipation of landing in the middle of the night, taking the taxi to my grandmother’s house when everyone else was sleeping.
We’d wake up totally jet lagged, but to the sounds of the bhajiwala selling vegetables and the milkman coming by.
I loved when people knew we were coming over. Families from all over would come to my grandparents’ sitting room and chat with us.”
Do you often reflect on these childhood memories? How does replaying these memories impact you?
“All the time, it gives me such security. Everybody in the States had their grandparents around. Everyone would go to grandma’s house for the holidays. I didn’t know what that traditional ‘American experience’ was like. So when I went back to India, I felt like these were my people. I had a great sense of pride.”
What were your initial feelings when returning to India after so long?
“When we landed, I cried for many reasons. I was home. But this was the first time going to India as a true adult, and without my mom. It was like a new adventure on my own.
But I felt immense joy. Everything had changed but yet nothing changed at all.”
At any point in the trip, did you feel your inner child coming out?
“Very much. When we were walking in Santa Cruz, it looked slightly different, but the smells, the sounds, it reminded me of the days when we’d walk to family members’ places and I’d just follow my parents. And this time, I was doing the same thing. Just following along and remembering. Visiting family and friends.”
How has nostalgia shaped your experience in India?
“Well, I did go to India with my dad, so it was a different level of nostalgia, because now I’m not just reflecting on my experience and what happened 28 years ago, but it’s also learning about my parents’ experience and their life together. So all of a sudden, I’m feeling not only my childhood but theirs too. It’s weird and bizarre and I love it.”
Is nostalgia a friend or enemy, or both, in your life?
“Definitely both. I have a tendency to always want to go back.
Reminiscing makes the bittersweetness feel a bit harder, because I wish I was there. But it’s also a gift because it reminds me how blessed I am to have those memories. It means I’m alive.
It means I’m present now to be able to process the nostalgia, it means that I was present back then to remember it. It reminds me that I am a sum of all these parts.”